Naturally.

I found my camera this morning. Which is OK! My phone camera is only 3 megapixels, and thus not the kind of thing I'd use for anything other than a convenient snapshot device, and I really do like my elderly Lumix, so it's good to be able to put off buying a real camera for a while. I can always use Phil's D200 if I need to go superfancy or all macro, like with garden photos.

Speaking of the garden, I am dying to get out in it, but the weather just isn't quite there yet. We get the odd beautiful day, and the rest of the time it seems to be either raining or on the verge of raining, and if not actually cold, still decidedly chilly. In spite of my gardening jones being so far thwarted, I am feeling a hell of a lot better in general, due, I am certain, to the increased sunlight daylight. This winter was dreadful for me, in terms of depression and anxiety. It's not the cold, it's not the damp, it's the darkness. I've this bad tendency to think of depression, in myself, as self-indulgence and whining. Other people are depressed? I am very sympathetic. Me? I'm a whinger. I'm not sure why I hold myself to tougher standards than I hold others in this respect, but I definitely do.

This winter really, really sucked, with family issues (illness & injury, mainly) and the crappy weather, and this awful feeling of general malaise, much of which I attribute to how hopeless the news feels. I'm really not capable of being one of those people who can blithely ignore politics and current events, but sometimes, I think it would do me good to unplug from it for a couple of days, just because I reach a point where everything gets viewed through my Oh God, We're Dooooomed filter, and that is just no way to live. For one thing, it's annoying to others. I really don't want to be that horribly negative person who brings everybody else down. Well, yeah, things suck, but they aren't going to stop sucking just because I've got this perverse need to make myself unhappy. Because, you know, something bad might happen if I ever slipped up and allowed myself to be happy and enjoy my life for a minute or two.

So I'm working on that, and the end of winter is very helpful. I can open up my conservatory pretty early most days (the conservatory is unheated, has no electricity and is unusable in winter. It really needs double glazing at a minimum), and being able to sit out there, first thing in the morning, drinking coffee, knitting, and watching the little birds hopping about, does me a world of good. Everything is in bud, or putting on new growth. The daffodils, tulips and grape hyacinths are in bloom, the bluebells and lilacs are coming along, and it looks as if the wisteria we planted our first summer here is finally going to give us a proper show this year. And, oh god, there is so much to do out there. Weeds are everywhere, we need to mulch and turn the compost heap, the patio needs a good cleaning, the bramble is very close to out of control, and that goddamn ivy is making me mental. But those are all things I can do something about, and I will, just as soon as the weather gets a bit better. I'm looking forward to planting my tomatoes and herbs and sweet peas, and tending my little patch of the earth.